I'm having guilt.
I've done nothing wrong.
And yet, I feel bad.
My son and his wife are struggleing financially.
Not because of job losses, or the economy, but because of choices they have made.
A free 42" flat screen HD tv that I let my son take with him was not good enough.
They went out and bought a 60".
Free Bedroom Furniture that I let him take?
Not good enough, they bought a whole new set.
They have lived the high life for the last 4 years on his inheritance, until there is nothing left, and nothing to show for it.
And now they may not be able to afford their apartment.
They want to move in with me.
I said no.
They're pissed.
I told my son I was confident that they would find a solution to their problem (Isn't that a GREAT line?!?!?)
And I feel guilty, because I am choosing to no longer enable him. He needs to make choices and set priorities. He needs to understand that housing, food, clothing and medication come before movies, sushi, comic books, video games, and vacations. She needs to understand that sometimes you have to schedule school around work, not vice versa. Plus, if you can't afford your apartment, you can't afford to get your hair done, buy clothes and go out with your friends.
I'd like to point out that I've given BOTH of them to come work on my house with me for $10.00/hour and neither one has taken me up on it.
*sigh* Good for you for saying no, although believe me... I know all about this guilt crapola, and I realize how hard it must be so I won't shine too many "kudos" at you. Even when we're doing the right thing, when it feels like ass, it feels like ass. No way around it.
ReplyDeleteHelping him in other ways, like you've said - will go much further in the long run.
*smooch*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! I'm somewhere between offering condolences and giving a commiserating hug. If it makes you feel any better, my mom finally putting her foot down made things a lot better for me...
ReplyDeleteWe self indulging kiddos sometimes need a reality check. And, erm, even if we dont' admit it, we'd rather hear it from our parents than from anyone, ANYONE else. (because parents will hopefully forgive all the shitty things said in reaction to "the news.")
I love you!
"when it feels like ass, it feels like ass."
ReplyDeleteNo shit.
"my mom finally putting her foot down made things a lot better for me..."
good thing to hear right now :)
Susan - being a mom, I know you're going to feel guilty about this - but you will feel a whole lot more guilty if you enable son and wife to become leeches - and that's what will happen if you don't make them deal with the consequences of their own actions.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately these days, there isn't the peer stigma associated with moving back home that there used to be.....so of course they are pissed - but hopefully they are really pissed at themselves for "f"ing up.
Life is like bootcamp - I'm sure they'll hurt a bit - but in the end they will be much better off having learned this lesson. You can, of course, provide encouragement and support.....but you can't actually do their pushups for them.