Airline Travel.

You would think at this point in history even the occasional traveler would have the security checkpoint down.

It's not too hard.

Liquids. 3 oz. total. In a sealed sandwich baggie. Take it out. put it in the bin.
Shoes off. in the bin.
Laptops out. In own bin.
Outerwear (it's 1000 degrees outside, who's wearing outerwear?) Off. In the bin.
All metal. off in the bin.
All bags and carry ons, on the belt, through the xray machine.

Sir? Yes, you. the one with the GIANT METAL BELT BUCKLE. It must come off. In the bin.
Yes and you again sir. Cowboy boots? Off. In the bin.

And you ma'am? No, your steel case is not an approved laptop case. Open it. Take out your laptop. Separate bins.

And you sir? With all the change in your pocket. Need I say it? Out of the pockets. In the little tupperware dish they give you.
Wait? What's that? You set the detector off again? OH! Indeed. Your wallet has metal studs on it. Out. In the tupperware.
What the?
Yes, you DO have to take off the giant wrist watch now. Wait you're confused? Tupperware. On top of scanner. It's free. Use it.

Oh. and p.s.
PLEASE people (meaning you sir, sitting in front of me.) DON'T douse yourself in cologne before you get on the plane. It's air travel, not a date.


  1. ROFLMAO.....I guess I've just been lucky because I rarely end up with any of those idjit types in front of me....nor have I been victimized by a cologne wearer (knock on wood).

    But then again, lately I've been flying Southwest, so I could pick my seat poison.....